I'm tired of fighting and begging for your attention. Since I'm not your priority, you're not mine too. You don't deserve my attention because you don't know how to appreciate it. You don't deserve a single drop of my tears. Trust me, you'll miss me one day when I stop caring and stop giving you my attention, just like what I did before we became a couple. At that point, it's too late already and nothing can be changed. Yeah I might be sad and cry right now, but that's because iloveyou and I need you. You should be worried when I stop crying because it means that I'm strong enough to handle everything alone and I don't need you anymore. Mark my words.

Amir just called saying his currently searching for the blazer that he's gonna wear for his Malam Anugerah Za'ba. You wanna know how i feel right now? Sad. Just the thought of it makes me really sad. Yeah i know i shouldn't be sad, i should be happy instead because he's so happy and excited about it. Tapi yelah, siapa yang tak sedih kalau benda yang dia dah plan since early of the year tak menjadi. Honestly, i dont even feel like going back anymore. because i know i would be sad the whole weekend. Even right now, my eyes are filled with tears as i'm typing this. Haha pathetic right? i know. When next year comes, i dont think i would have the courage to do stuff like this anymore. I'm not gonna plan anything and hurt myself when everything is spoiled. My money, my time, it's not worth it. I told my friends i'm just gonna hang around alone that night while waiting for Amir. and yknow what they said? "Why waa? everyone knows you dont like to be alone. you'd rather be hungry daripada pergi makan sorang sorang. why would you do such thing for him? it's not worth it and it's dangerous. you tu dah la lawa, nanti orang culik macam mana". hahaha baru kenal diorang for 8 months, but they understand me better than anyone else. Soooo, hmm what should i do to cheer myself up this weekend?

I'm sorry blogpsot, you're gonna be my bestfriend starting from today

Hi, I'm currently sick. I've been having sorethroat and flu since last night and it got worse today. At this moment, I seriously miss home and my family, especially mama and papa. It made me realize that i'm getting older and my parents too. When I was young, mama and papa used to take care of me whenever i'm sick. They would bring me to the clinic, give me medicine and remind me to eat my medicine, mama would cook chicken porridge for me, they would take a really good care of me. It's different now because i don't live with them anymore. I'm in Kelantan and they're in KL. I'm on my own now. I have to take care of myself, i have to force myself to be strong and go to lectures. No one would ever cook porridge for me, nobody cares.

Since I entered matrics and live on my own, I've learnt alot of things. I became more independent and appreciate people more, especially my parents. One of the reason why i'm here is because of papa. He was so excited after knowing that i got into usm's dentistry. I'm not gonna say i regretted for entering usm, all i can say isssss yeahh, dentistry is really really hard but i wont give up. I'll work hard and be a good dentist one day :) insyaAllah. As for now, i just finished my Selanjar 3 exam. Next would be Professional 1 which is somewhere in July. I better start studying now if i dont wanna repeat another year :) wish me luck for my studies!

Life is unfair sometimes

I've booked the flight ticket to go back to KL on the 11th of May to do a surprise birthday dinner for Amir. I booked the ticket somewhere in January, I've planned everything for the dinner. Birthday cake, dinner place, including what i'm gonna wear for the dinner. Butttt it means nothing now. There wont be any surprises because Amir will be having his college's dinner on that night. WHY MUST IT BE ON THE 11th NIGHT?! The main reason why i wanna go back to KL is because of him. Bodek papa, kena bebel with mama, sacrifice my jpa money andddd POOF, everything is gone, just like that. Nobody in this world can ever describe how sad i am. I was so excited about it la okay. I've never ever done such thing for my previous ex-boyfriends. My bestfriends here in Kelantan knows how excited i am for this thing. I've googled and showed them the pictures of the restaurants that i wanted to go, I asked them for their opinions on what i should wear for the dinner, I told them about my ideas & plans, I told them everything! I even told papa about the plans! He said it's too much but he finally agreed with the idea.

Amir asked me to send him and pick him up from the hotel. Initially i said no because heck, he's supposed to go out for dinner with me then tak pasal pasal nak hantar dia pergi dinner lain pulak? Gila sedih hidup camtu. Pastu during the dinner I nak buat apa? Balik ttdi? then go back to the hotel and pick him up? Seriously man? He'll never think of that, about my feelings. But oh well, since I have no other choices, that's exactly what i'm gonna do. Send him and pick him up from the hotel, then i'm gonna show him something that I've planned since january. It's nothing much but hey, atleast one of the surprises that i've planned boleh la menjadikan :) and maybe that would make me feel it's worth it to come back eventhough it's just a small surprise. What i'm gonna do during his dinner? i dont know. have dinner somewhere around there, alone? haha i shall not complain, i'll be fine :)

I have many dreams and one of it is to be rich. Yeah people always say money can't buy happiness. But do you really think so? I don't. Why? I'm not gonna tell it here, i think it's better for me to just keep it to myself. All i know is, i wanna be a good dentist and be rich. I dont want my childrens to go through what i'm going through right now. I'm not saying i'm poor, i'm a jpa scholar student and my dad is a bank manager. it's just that sometimes rasa kesian and i dont wanna burden papa. I'm still a student, a first year student to be precise. So i dont have a large amount of money in the bank. If only i'm freaking rich, sure boleh tolong settlekan problem Yaa with her studies. Haih I seriously have so much to say but i'm not in the mood to do so. So i shall go study now and insyaAllah i'll update this post after my exam finishes

People like you is the main reason why I miss being the old me, why I miss having my old life. Wtv, screw you. I have a dream and I'll make sure I'm gonna achieve that dream and be happy. What are my dreams? There's too many to list down. It has something to do with my studies, my work, my family, and obviously a perfect husband + perfect marriage :) there's no point of being sad with what i did or what you did. It's totally not worth a second of my life. I'm just gonna go with the flow and observe everything that's happening in my life. Then I'll choose which one is worth my time and which is not. Go on with your plans, go on screwing my life. I dont give a damn about it, mark my words :)

I was browsing through my favourite cake/cupcakes blogspot and suddenly i saw this...

It was for his latest birthday hahaha. funny shiznit nampak ni. Rasanya Ary Azahary la because he just turned 22 few weeks ago hahah.

anyways, that's not the main point of this post.

I'm freaking stressed out with my studiessss! Exam's just around the corner and i'm not prepareddd. What i usually do when i'm stressed? Google for cakes/cupcakes and islands' picturessss. These kind of pictures sangat menenangkan hati. I can't wait to go homeeee. I wanna eat my favourite food in kl!

11th April 2012

Hi! it's a public holiday today. So, Amal and I rented a car for 4 hours and we went out! We went to a hair salon near Bilal (JF beauty hair salon) and got a haircut. I did hair treatment too! The hair treatment in kelantan is very very cheap and the service was really good :) I am sooo gonna go there again to get a haircut and do hair treatment. After the haircut, we went to Tesco and had lunch at the foodcourt + big apple's doughnuts for dessert.

We went out again in the evening for early dinner at Selera Cik Siti --> selanjar 3 exam's briefing --> tutti frutti session --> and here I am, studying while onlining :p

hair treatment

Selera Cik Siti's famous chicken chop

exam briefing at ppsg

I expect too much and ended up hurting myself. Why am I so selfish? Why am I so greedy? Why can't I just be thankful and be happy? I know it's normal to get less attention from your boyf from day to day, but i just dont want it to be that way. He used to show me that he really cares about me, but nowadays I dont get that anymore. Dear Allah, please tell me what i should do. I just wanna be happy and go on with my life w/out feeling sad, annoyed and pissed. I know i can depend on you whenever i have a problem, but i need a friend too. A bestfriend. Please show me the way and guide me to the right path. Berilah aku ketenangan hati dan fikiran.

1 year on the 28th of March 2012. 

This is the surprise gift that i received from my beloved boyfriend

One wonderful year with you, so many ups and downs, and yet we're still together until today :)

Thank you for being the most wonderful boyfriend.

I am very grateful to get the opportunity to meet someone like you.

I apologize for all the heartaches and even tears(pondan sure ada nangis kan :p)

I promise I would try my best to work things out between us

and i won't give up easily.

Thank you for always being there for me,

thank you for being my crying shoulder,

my secret keeper,

my  gossip partner,

my punching bag,

and thanks a lot for being you :)

I really hope this relationship would last long,

until jannah, insyaAllah.

Happy 1 year Anniversary, sweetheart!

I love you with all my heart, 

always do and always will.